Here I am sitting on my couch at home with the morning light shining through the blinds and listening to the news. On the wall across from me, I can look up at three little paintings that I bought on the weekend. They are the three starter pPokemon from Pokemon Sun. They are taking the place of much more grown-up art, but so much more fun! I haven’t smiled at the needlepoint that was there previously in years, so out it goes!
It is the middle of the week that I thought I was going to be having my mastectomy and I am waiting for a call from the hospital to tell me when to go in for a CT scan. The results of this scan will either confirm the current plan or change it yet again.
Apparently, mine is an unusual case. I wonder if they tell everyone that? Because I have a single Metastasis the doctors are scrambling to find the best plan for me. This is great, except it is really hard to have all this uncertainty!
As of today, the plan is to check the CT scan to be sure there is still only the one Metastasis. If there is only one then I will have the Mastectomy next Wednesday. If not, I think we are back to the drawing board. Questions of radiation, surgery to remove the metastasis or stereoscopic radiation on the rib will be dealt with after that.
I will begin with apologies to R.E.M for using their lyric as the basis for my title and to readers for being a bit dramatic.
I know that the world isn’t about to end, but my life and future have certainly changed dramatically! The thing is that this change has really happened when I feel totally healthy (ok, other than a breast which is larger and hard with skin that feels like plastic).
I expect that I have taught my last day of my classes at the high school. It is like having retired without any of the planning or preparation. My expectation for this time of year? I had expected to be at work every weekday from 8:00 – 4:00, to be preparing Sunday services for three Sunday’s/month, and all the usual household activities. Now, most of my days consist of chauffeuring my kids to and from university at their times of preference, waiting for, scheduling and going to have tests and appointments etc.
It is really surreal, especially when filling out forms about terminal illness. How can I have a terminal illness when I feel fine?
I have been trying to get my head around changes that are happening in my life. I tend to flit from one thing to another. I was sitting with my daughter when I realized, and mentioned to her, that I don’t really have a bucket list. I don’t have a list of things I have always wanted to do and have yet to do. I guess there are a couple places I would like to go. Maybe I have been spoiled and just did what I wanted at the time. My daughter tried to think of things for me and mentioned Disney…
I have one of those book of lists you can buy and one page of it which I hit a dead end on was the bucket list one. I have plans, which may need to be adjusted. I was supposed to be retiring after 28 years as a teacher and starting seminary next fall to continue training as a Presbyterian minister. On that track I had; finish degree, get a call, be ordained, work as a minister. I’m not sure how buckety that is, but that was it.
If you, like me, wonder where this idea of a bucket list comes from, other than the movie with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson here is a link to one of many blogs about bucket lists. What is a Bucket List?